So I'm going to try and put into words what Fathers' Day means to me. It is a hard subject to realize for me and has over the years been a point of contention/aggravation in my mind. So here goes.
As a young boy my Father was not really in my life. There are many reasons for this but I won't bore you with the details of kid-knapping, craziness, and constant moving. Let's just say that some of it could be in a Chuck Palahniuk novel. Other parts not so much. I would see him, during the early years, twice a year if I was lucky. Before you all go dead beat dad on him, understand part of it is my mom's fault. But that is not the point of this.
I grew up knowing a couple of things about my Dad.
A) He was very talented with his hands. He was an airplane Mechanic, a Master Carpenter, and could fix anything. Example of this is when he and my mom got married he decided no store bought bed would do. So he crafted an entire water bed minus the bladder and heating element out of wood. I think a really nice oak. It was carved and burnt and sculpted. Everyone of my Mom's friends that saw it, wanted one and would ask where to get one. Her response was usually "Marry my ex Pete, and he'll make you one."
B) He is actually a damn genius. He got into trouble while attending College before he went into the Military. He was thrown out of a physics class, for arguing over future uses of lasers in society. His teacher said they were too powerful to be used in day to day life. Pops said they would be used to let you know when someone was entering or exiting a building, reading product info, and transmitting information over distance. He also told me back when I lived with him in Guam 90-91(another time another story) that I was an idiot for buying CD's, Tapes, Records. His exact words were "Jesse you're an idiot wasting your money on that crap. In a few years you will be able to store your music digitally on a device that is about as long and wide as a credit card, and about as thick as six of them." See what I mean. Genius.
C) He is crazy. Not crazy like "hey I shot my wife while fucking my dog" crazy. But not afraid of anything crazy. He never has been. He is not afraid to pack up and move to a country he has never been and try and start a company. He's not afraid, at the young age of 64, to get back on a bull and compete. He is awesome.
D) He is very talented. I have seen him play guitar and sing. He is awesome. He used to sing "Sad Songs and Waltz" to me as a child to put me to sleep. Sure he is all about Country and Western (the real stuff not your pop crap) But man can he do it well. When he and my mom first met he was a Rodeo junkie, my whole family is involved in that. But he used to play with the likes of Chris Ledoux R.I.P.. Chris and my Dad were really good friends, mom tells stories of Chris crashing on our couch when I was a youngin.
Knowing those things combined with the fact that I never really got to grow up seeing him, made my opinion of Father's Day confusing. On a day like that I would see my friends hang out with their lame, boring, ho-hum nothing exciting, white collar Dad's and wonder why I couldn't hang out with my freaking awesome Dad. Why did I have to learn how to play football from another Dad who just needed a spot filled on his team. Not from my Pops who was a bad-ass? Why did I have to learn to shave at 11 on my own with my Mom's razor and lava soap. Not like the scene from Lethal Weapon with the guiding hand of my father. Why did my friends get to build their first car with their Dads who didn't know a spanner from a cresent wrench when my Dad could fix a bent flywheel on the way home from Golden to Albuquerque, in his El Camino, with a hand file and floor jacks. Why?
Now as an adult I see things differently. I get to look back and cherish the times we did spend together and the ones we will get to. I get to look back at the time I rode from Tucson Az to Florida on top of a steamer trunk not being able to stand or sit in the back of my Dad's Might Max with a camper shell on it, listening to Dion and wrapping embroidery yarn on numbered cards for my step mom and realize that was freaking awesome. No kid has that story with their dad just me.
I get think about the time when I sliced my big toe almost completely off on clam shells in the Black Snake River and my Dad yelling at me "Stop crying, you weren't crying before you saw the blood, so don't start now." How my step-mom sewed it back on, we wrapped it up with gauze and duct-tape and went to Disney World that week. Where I hobbled around stubbornly, while Dad tried not to let on that he was concerned/scared about me.
I get to look back at when I lived in Guam and went scuba diving with him, or when we got stuck in our apartment during a Typhoon and we used 3/4 plexi to board up the windows so we could watch the craziness, and we passed the time by throwing stuff out the balcony into the crazy fast winds, giggling like school girls. We even threw out a broken crappy 11" T.V. and were amazed by how it took off and up like a bat out of hell.
I get to look back at when I had my nose almost severed off, sitting in the hospital while they were stitching my nose back on, trying to make jokes to keep my bad-ass of father from crying. I got those no one else does.
See this is where my Dad was a badass Dad. I really don't have those memories of Dad being a drunken jerk. or Dad beating me to a pulp, or Dad grounding me. Sure when I lived with him we got into arguments and one poor attempt at a fist fight on my behalf, but for the most part I got to have a Dad, who unknowingly taught me so much about how to live life. I'm am so freaking thankful for that, that I now, at an older age, tend to forget all the negative of growing up without a Dad constantly around.
So with all that being said, in a very long-winded manner I apologize for, Dad Happy Father's Day! I love you.
