Over the past few years and especially over the past few months I have gotten the question or statement or whatever you want to call it "Why?" "Why do you/they do __________(insert activity) that causes you bodily harm?"
See 8 years ago I got back on a bicycle after getting off one in 1993. I started riding cyclocross, mtb, fixed, and road. I loved it. My first day on the Fullerton Loop I was riding a friends single speed cyclocross bike, at mile 1.5 out of 11.5 I wrecked. I superman'd over the bars (OTB might be used again in this post) into a bank on the other side of a little ditch I was riding through. I had not laughed so hard or been more freaked out at the same time, in 12 years. I knew right then I missed being on a bicycle. Since then I don't think a month has gone by that I haven't hit the deck. I never think I shouldn't do that again. Is that wrong?
Now go back 9 months ago and I got my 24" freestyle MTB frame, a Black Market Bicycle Co. Contraband. Since I have gotten that I have injured myself weekly. I have gone OTB, looped out, snapped a chain and drove my knee into a 45 degree bank, and just last weekend I tried a feeble pedal grind for the first time ever (front wheel on the grind box along with pedal and crank arm trying to control slide) the bike shot out from under me and I landed straight on my ass, back, and head (wearing a helmet before you preachers come after me). I got up said "God Damn that hurt!" then proceeded to laugh hysterically and the giggle fits ensued for the next 2 hours.
When I tell other people of my wrecks, their response is usually one of two different ones;
A) "OOOH, Ouch that sounds bad" or
B) "Why would you do something that you obviously are not good at?"
My reason and the only reason I need. Fear!
Fear of what you ask. Simple.......the future.
Most people look at the future as a good thing, retiring, traveling the world, luxury vacations, guided tours, 2 week cruises, growing old, becoming a grandparent, advisor, bbq's with the family. You know the standard bullshit. The average maximum age in the US is 78. I'm 1.5 years away from the half way point. From here on out I'm the old guy ( in age not mentality). The future of my life scares the shit out of me. I usually don't think about it. I am now for your enjoyment and thanks alot assholes. Now I'm all angst-y.
Here is the thing, most people I have met who are 60+ are dying. Not dying like we are all doing right now, but suffering from some ailment. Wether it be something insignificant like minor arthritis or something severe like cancer. They are all suffering. Sure they go on tours but it is guided and planned or touristy. I don't want to wake up one day and be like so many elderly people I have met that most of their ailments are work related i,e.; bad back, hyper tension from work related stress , bad joints due to standing all day, poor circulation due to sitting all day, carpal tunnel syndrome due to typing all day. I want my injuries and ailments, when I get old to have bitchin stories to go with them. I want someone to ask why I can't extend my left arm fully and I respond with "Well let me tell two different awesome accidents that caused that......."
The other part of that fear of the future is the fear of regret. I don't want to get to an old age and think "Man I wished I would of tried that feeble pedal grind when I was younger." or "Man I wish I would of done ________." I already do that now and it scares the crap out of me that I do that. I try not to because "the past is in the past and I'm moving on!" should be everyones motto, but I catch myself doing it and it un-nerves me.
Well yeah so there you have it. The ramblings from an almost middle aged, peter-pan syndrome, 15 year old in a man's body, idiot, that in all actuality probably make no sense, as I really don't care about editing. If you get this, than awesome. If not, sorry! I don't speak english all that well.
